Here are a few little tid-bits that our members have submitted over the past couple of months!

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new golf bag!

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the
  priest asks, ”What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
 
  The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
 
  The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
 
  The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
 
  The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
 
  The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church
  when we pray, we keep our head down."
 

Top 10 Caddy Replies

GOLFER:  'Think I'm going to drown myself  in the lake.'
 
 CADDY: 'Think you can keep your head down that  long?'
 
 GOLFER: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break 100  on this course.'
 
 CADDY:  'Try heaven, you've already moved the  earth.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'Do you think my game is  improving?'
 
 CADDY:  'Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer  now.'
 
 
 GOLFER: 'Do you think I can get there with a 5  iron?'
 
 CADDY:  'Eventually.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.'
 
 CADDY:  'I  don't think so sir. That would be too much of a  coincidence.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'Please stop checking your  watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.'
 
 CADDY:  'It's not a watch sir, it's a compass.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'How do you like my game?'
 
 CADDY:  'Very good sir, but  personally, I prefer golf.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'Do you think  it's a sin to play on Sunday?'
 
 CADDY:  'The way you play, sir,  it's a sin on any day.'
 
 
 GOLFER:  'This is the  worst course I've ever played on'
 
 CADDY:  'This isn't the golf  course. We left that an hour ago.'
 
 
 #1 Best Caddy  Comment:
 
 GOLFER:  'That can't be my ball, it's too old.'  
 
 CADDY: 'It's been a long time since we teed off,  sir.'

  Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody
  5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
 
  The detective! Asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the
  woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?"  "Yes, yes, I did." The
  woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.
  "How many times did you hit him?"
 
  "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a
  five."
 

   A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit
   his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening
   between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his
   3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced
  back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
 

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St .Peter saw him coming and
  asked, "Are you a good golfer", to which the man replied: "Got here in
  two, didn't I?"

 
   The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the
  groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She
  said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He looked her right in
  the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Golf
 
  A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular; your name is
  synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
  course. What's your secret?"
 
   Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered"

One Reason To Leave Your Golf Ball If It Lands O.B. in Arizona!

Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots such as:
Shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc.
 
Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary:
 
A *Paris Hilton* - a very expensive hole.
A *James Joyce* - a putt that's impossible to read.
A *Rock Hudson * - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.
A *Saddam Hussein* - from one bunker into another.
A *Yasser Arafat* - butt ugly shot and in the sand.
A *John Kennedy Jr.* - didn't make it over the water.
An *Elephant's Ass* - it's high and it stinks.
A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed.
An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it.
A *Princess Grace* - should have used a driver.
A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have used a driver.
A *Condom* - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A *Brazilian* - shaved the hole.
A *Rush Limbaugh* - a bit too far to the right.
A *Nancy Pelosi* - way too far to the left.
A "Barbara Streisand" - ugly, but still working.
A "Teddy Kennedy" - goes in the water, but jumps out.  
A *Peewee Herman* - too much wrist.
A *Sonny Bono* - straight into a tree.